I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
