after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
