she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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