Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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