We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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