we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
