you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
