My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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