woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
bring money and cleavage
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
