i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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