We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i think my cat just said my name.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
soo... how was my night?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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