i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
