I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
