i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
