i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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