Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
