I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
