i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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