We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
