I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
