My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
