this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
