i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
