I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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