i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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