Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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