So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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