You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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