Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
