no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize