Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
