i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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