This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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