He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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