I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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