You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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