i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
