Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
