he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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