How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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