if only i could text you this smell
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
