Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
