My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
