are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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