Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
