I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
