You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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