Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
