You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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