I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
