do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
