you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
