And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
