im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
