I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
