I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
