Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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