Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
