And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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