how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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