all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Less talking, more tequila
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
