; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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