none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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