Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
