Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
