I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
