If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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