First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
