you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
