pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
