I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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