I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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