My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
being pregnant is like rehab
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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