my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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