the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize