I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I had to cum in my sink.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
