this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
