i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize