Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
