I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize