I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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