So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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