I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize