singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
