I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
