Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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