im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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