Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
