hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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