Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
