The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
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