I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
