No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
organizing the empties. That sober.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
