I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
