I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
