I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
