Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
