hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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