Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
