You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
