The maid of honor just puked.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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