I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
