Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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