Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
