Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
