Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
