suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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