Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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