she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize