just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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