1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize